


Broken Half

by LittleRock17



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Don't read if you're not up to date, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Grey's Anatomy 17x07, Hurt/Comfort, Maya x Carina, No Fluff, Spoilers, Station 19 4X06, marina - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 21:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30061461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRock17/pseuds/LittleRock17
Summary: "I’m here. I know this is a stupid question but, how are you?”Carina laughed humorlessly, throwing her hands in the air. “How am I? After my brother died? Oh, I don’t know, how would you be if it was your little brother?”Ouch.Maya knew something like that was coming but knowing didn’t make it hurt any less.Still, she knew Carina wasn’t herself right now. Besides, she had said worse things to her, like throwing in her face she had slept with Jack. So, yeah, Carina had a free pass to take her crap out on Maya for this.“Carina…”“I wanna scream until my throat hurts!” The Italian interrupted her girlfriend, her hands reaching up to pull at her hair as she walked away from the blonde. “I wanna break something, I wanna punch someone! I wanna…!”She was stopped by Maya hugging her from behind.....Carina finds out about Andrew's death and Maya is there for her.
Relationships: Maya Bishop & Carina DeLuca, Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Comments: 5
Kudos: 119





	Broken Half

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LuthorsClaw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuthorsClaw/gifts).



> I finished this at 4 am but I was too sleepy to post it xD
> 
> After Jolex, I never thought I would write anything else for the Grey's fandom but I love Marina so much and last week's chapter broke me.
> 
> There are a few things in Italian but they're easy to understand or even you could use google translate in the moment but I'll leave the translations on a note at the end.

**Broken Half**

It had been a long day.

A very, very long day.

It felt like a lifetime ago when Carina and Andrea had run into each other in the parking lot where he told her he recognized the vile woman who was suspected to be involved in child trafficking and had decided to follow her.

Their little ‘action movie chase’ went on for long and ended with the horrible woman in handcuffs and Andrew in the hospital with a stab wound.

Fortunately, Grey Sloan Memorial had a few of the best doctors in the country and they had managed to save Carina’s little brother. He was intubated still, sure, but he was alive and well and, oh God, she couldn’t be more grateful.

The Italian woman decided to take a little break from all the madness, stepping outside the hospital to get some coffee in her system. She was so exhausted, mentally and physically, that if she didn’t drink some hot dark coffee, she was sure she’d just collapse right then and there.

Walking towards the coffee cart with Maya by her side, Carina looked at the sky, admiring the pink and orange hues it displayed as the sun began to set. Both woman formed in line, keeping their distance from the other two people in front of them.

“I’m going to call the station, be right back.” Maya said placing her hand in the small of Carina’s back.

The brunette nodded. “ _Bene_. Black coffee?”

Looking up from her phone, the firefighter nodded before walking away. “Please.”

Carina waited for her turn, placed her order for two small black coffees, paid for them and made sure to use hand sanitizer before grabbing the cups and walking towards her girlfriend.

“Hey, _bella_ , everything okay at the station?” The Italian asked, offering Maya her coffee.

The blonde quickly grabbed her cup with her free hand, as the other still was wrapped around her cellphone, and took it to her lips, grateful she had removed her mask to talk over the phone.

She took a sip and moaned at the taste. “Mmmm, yes, everything’s fine. Andy says the inspection went surprisingly well, even though the battalion chief found half of my squad asleep.” She chuckled. “They’re still busy with the fire downtown so she couldn’t give me more details.”

Carina hooked her finger around the elastic band keeping the disposable mask over her face and left it dangling from her ear, eager to take a sip of the hot beverage. “Are you sure you don’t have to go? Andrea is doing fine now.” She walked slowly to a bench, followed by Maya.

The blonde sat down, put her phone away in one of her SFD jacket pockets and wrapped both hands around the cup of steaming coffee to warm them up a bit. She waited for Carina to sit beside her to speak. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere. Andy is in charge, she knows what to do. They don’t need me right now. You do.” She reached out to hold Carina’s free hand with one of her own and squeezed it.

The brunette smiled and leaned into the firefighter, resting her temple on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “ _Grazie mille, amore mio.”_ She muttered with a heavy breath.

Maya leaned in as well, resting her head over Carina’s. “There’s nothing to thank for.”

They stayed like that for a few moments, only moving their cups to and away from their lips as they continued to enjoy their coffees. Carina straightened up and locked her gaze on Maya’s profile, who was looking into the distance with a pensive gesture on her face.

“What are you thinking about, my love?” The doctor asked, rubbing her thumb on Maya’s knuckles.

That seemed to burst the bubble the blonde was in, who took a deep breath and exhaled before looking at her girlfriend again. “Oh… I was thinking about my brother.”

The brunette nodded in understanding. Maya was a big sister like her so it made sense for her to think about her little brother with the situation the DeLuca siblings had gotten themselves into.

“Have you talked to Mason lately?” Carina asked.

At the beginning of their relationship, Maya didn’t share much about her family. Carina knew she had a brother name Mason, that her mom’s name was Katherine and her dad was Lane, but that was it. After their reconciliation, Maya opened up a bit more about it, so she now knew Maya didn’t have a good relationship with her brother but she still loved him even if he did not feel the same way about his sister.

“No. The last time I actually spoke to him was years ago, when I found out he was homeless.” The firefighter started to tell, continuing after she felt a squeeze on her hand courtesy of Carina. “He didn’t want my help and I couldn’t force him to accept it. A few days later, I stopped by the place where he had set up his camp but he was no longer there.” She paused for a few moments. “Sometimes when we’re doing rounds around the neighborhood with the aid car I try to look for him on the homeless’ camps. Sometimes I see him, sometimes I don’t, but I haven’t worked up the courage to try to talk to him again. Last time I saw him was about 2 weeks before the pandemic started here.”

“I’m sure he’s fine, Maya. You have to believe that.” The brunette said, trying to ease her girlfriend’s mind.

The blonde shook her head a few times, chewing on her bottom lip. “I don’t know. He has no home which means he has no water to wash his hands constantly. In case he’s in a shelter, other people could infect him, or he could infect others. Also, junkies are not very careful people, he could be sharing needles for all I know.”

Carina sighed. Maya’s concerns were not exaggerated. They made complete sense and she had no way to assure her she was wrong.

“You know it’s not your fault, right? You offered help and he didn’t take it. He’s an adult.” The doctor tried to at least ease the blonde’s guilt.

A bitter chuckle left Maya’s lips. “But it _is_ my fault. It’s _my_ fault our parents didn’t pay attention to him and it’s _my_ fault he became an addict. He OD’d for the first time the same day I won my gold medal. Because I was selfish… and I still am. Look at me, complaining about this when your brother _just_ had surgery.” She left her coffee cup on the bench next to her and covered her face with both hands, her elbows sinking in her thighs.

Carina left her cup as well and started to rub her hand up and down Maya’s back, trying to comfort her. “It’s not selfish to be worried about your brother. Maybe you were selfish in the past but you’ve changed. You are a firefighter, Maya, you help people for a living. And Andrea is fine, _si_? He’s going to be fine.”

The blonde lifted her face from between her hands and looked at the doctor, seeing nothing but love in her chocolate colored eyes. “We should go check on him again.” She said, not wanting to keep talking about her thing.

The Italian nodded with a smile, standing up and offering her hand to Maya. “ _Andiamo_.”

The blonde pulled her black station 19 mask out of her pocket, put it on her face, and took Carina’s hand. “Let’s go.”

Carina hooked the elastic band of her mask on her ear again and both women grabbed their almost empty coffee cups to throw them on a waste bin before entering the hospital again, just as the sky was beginning to darken. They walked shoulder to shoulder to the ICU in a comfortable silence. Behind her mask, Carina had a relaxed smile on her lips which didn’t last long once she saw into her brother’s room and noticed it was empty except for a trail of blood all over the floor.

“What? What happened!? Where’s Andrea!?” She demanded to know, looking around to the nurses nearby.

Maya wrapped her hand on Carina’s bicep and gave her a weak squeeze to get her attention. “Carina, calm down, they will tell us.”

The Italian pressed her lips into a thin line beneath her mask and turned to face her girlfriend, trying not to lash out at her. “Please, don’t tell me to calm down.”

Maya let go of the brunette and raised her hands in surrender. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have said that, but let’s not yell at the nurses so they can tell us what happened.”

Said nurses were looking at one another with grief on their faces. No one wanted to be the one who gave Carina the news.

“Well?” Carina pushed again, since everyone was still silent.

Finally, one of the senior nurses, a woman named Eva, stepped up. “Dr. DeLuca was doing fine but then he started coding. Dr. Hunt suspected he had cardiac tamponade. He had to open his chest in the room before moving him to the OR with Dr. Altman.”

Tears started to fall from Carina’s eyes as she listened to the nurse. Her knees gave out and she would have ended on the floor if it wasn’t for Maya holding her. “No, no, no.” She cried on the blonde’s arms who could only embrace her harder.

The firefighter didn’t say anything. There was nothing she could do or say to take that pain away.

After a few moments where Carina kept sobbing into Maya’s chest, the doctor straightened up and began to march to the elevator that would take her to the OR floor. “I have to go with him.” She stated.

The blonde was quick to follow after her. “Carina, you can’t.”

The Italian started to press repeatedly on the elevator button. “ _Col cazzo che non posso!_ ”

Both women entered the elevator once the doors opened, one determined to go be by her brother’s side and the other trying to talk sense into her.

The firefighter stood in the middle of the elevator, facing the doctor, while the other woman pressed for the elevator to go up. “Carina, I know you want to be by his side but you can’t help him. Dr. Hunt and Dr. Altman can, you will only distract them from saving your brother.”

The brunette remained in silence, without making a move. After a minute, the elevator doors opened on the floor she wanted but she still didn’t move, her girlfriend’s words echoing in her head. She knew she was right, the reasonable part of her brain knew. But the emotional part, the one that ached to be with her baby brother, was still fighting.

Maya took the silence as her cue to keep talking.

“Let’s go to the chapel again. It’s late. I haven’t taken a real break since yesterday and you since this morning. We’ll wait there like we did before and, like before, the doctors will come to us with good news, okay?”

The doors of the elevator closed again but it didn’t move as no one had called for it on any floor.

“You don’t know that.” The doctor quietly said, her sniffled partially muffled by her mask.

“No. I don’t. But we have to believe that, right? That’s what you said to me.” The blonde whispered.

The brunette nodded slowly before pushing a button of the elevator again, this time to the floor where the chapel was. “ _Va bene_. Let’s go to the chapel.”

Maya sighed in relief and reached out to her girlfriend, wrapping her arm behind her back. Carina reacted and passed her arm behind Maya’s shoulder. They made their way onto the chapel, glad that once again they were the only ones there. But unlike last time they were there, every candle was now lit up. Carina smiled under her mask. Because of COVID, only the hospital staff was allowed into the chapel so that meant that her co-workers had taken a moment to say a little prayer for Andrea.

The couple sat down on the first row and took off their masks. Immediately, Maya pushed Carina’s body to lay on the bench, using her thighs as a pillow for her head. With one hand, she caressed the brunette’s arm over her gray GSM hoodie, gently squeezing it every once in a while, and softly scrapped her scalp with her other hand as she whispered words of reassurance.

Hours went by and Maya never stopped just as Carina’s tears never stopped either. There even was a wet patch on Maya’s pants under the Italian’s face but the firefighter didn’t mind. She didn’t mention it. She just kept on comforting her.

“What am I going to do if he doesn’t make it?” Carina’s hoarse voice was heard on the quiet chapel.

“Don’t think about that yet.” Was Maya’s response before taking a deep breath, trying to keep her voice from breaking too.

“It’s been hours, Maya. If they had good news, they would have updated us by now.” The doctor replied. And Maya knew she was right.

The blonde tried to swallow the knot on her throat and rubbed her nose before speaking. “I don’t know. I can’t begin to imagine what that’s going to feel like… but I want you to know I’ll be here for you… for whatever you need. If you want to cry, I’ll cry with you. If you want to scream, I’ll scream with you. If you want to break things, I’ll get you as much shit as I can for you to break. If you want to be alone… I’ll leave you alone for as long as you want. But I’ll be around so I can return to you the moment you need me to.”

At those words, Carina rose from her place on the bench to look at Maya in the eyes, both shifting in their places to be face to face. Blue and brown collided, redness where white should be, tears where none should be, sorrow was present but also love.

The brunette closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the firefighter’s. Tears ran down both women’s cheeks as they held each other to get by the uncertainty.

Minutes later, the doors of the chapel creaked as they were opened slowly by two doctors. Carina didn’t turn right away to see them, knowing that she would know the outcome by the looks on their faces. She wanted to remain ignorant for one more moment. Maya, however, did turn her face towards them.

And she knew.

Her eyes flooded with tears and she glanced up to the ceiling to keep them from falling but it was useless. The whimper that escaped her throat was what made Carina look towards Owen and Teddy, who remained motionless on the doorway.

“No. No. Please, no.” The brunette begged them not to say the words, a hand over her mouth to try to muffle the inevitable cries.

Both doctors lowered their chins, looking at the floor. Owen was the first to speak.

“DeLuca…” he stopped himself, not feeling right to use the last name the siblings shared. “Andrew was doing fine. I went to check on him and his BP dropped. I had to crack his chest right away to try to remove the clots. He went into DIC on route to the OR. Once in the operating room, he kept coding. We tried our best to resuscitate him but, despite our best efforts, we could not re start his heart as it didn’t have enough blood to keep pumping. We called time of death at 22:50.”

Carina cried through the whole explanation, her head buried on Maya’s neck, the firefighter pressing her lips to the side of her head. She shifted a little so she could talk to the veterans.

“Could you…” she cleared her throat. “Could you tell Ben I’m not going back to the station tonight?”

Owen only nodded before turning around and leaving. Teddy stayed behind for a few moments, whispered an ‘I’m so sorry’ and walked away.

Carina remained in Maya’s arms for a long time, sobbing, cursing in Italian and, even if she didn’t fully understand, Maya knew those words described her pain. A little after midnight, the Italian pulled back from the blonde, her eyes bloodshot and puffy, her cheeks red and the track of her tears was visible.

“I want to go see him.” She whispered with a broken tone.

Maya’s brow furrowed. “I don’t want to be an asshole but, isn’t there a big freezer truck for all the… all the people who die?” She didn’t know how Carina could do what she wanted.

The brunette nodded but then explained herself. “Yes, but the truck is for the deaths by COVID. Non COVID-related cases go to the morgue as usual.”

“Okay. Let’s go see him.” The firefighter got up from her spot and held out her hand to the doctor.

They grabbed fresh masks from a nurses’ station and walked to the basement, where the morgue was.

As they were approaching the entrance to the morgue, they noticed someone with gray scrubs sleeping on a gurney just outside. Once they were close enough, Carina noticed, even if she couldn’t see the person’s whole face, it was Dr. Jennifer Stanley, head of pathology. She hadn’t officially met the woman until COVID started.

The Italian cleared her throat, effectively waking the other doctor up. She sat up and her eyes quickly focused on the brunette, her expression changing.

“I’m sorry to bother you Dr. Stanley but, do you think I can see my brother?” Carina politely asked, squeezing Maya’s hand to stop the sob wanting to escape her lips.

The older doctor hopped off the bed and straightened her blonde hair a little. “Of course, doctor.” She pulled a set of keys from her pocket and opened the morgue door, letting the women inside before entering herself. “I cleaned him up but I haven’t started the autopsy. I will do it first thing in the morning. He’s in drawer 8. I will give you some privacy.” Was the last think she said before turning around and leaving them alone.

Carina walked to the metal wall with square openings for the bodies to be stored, searched number 8 with her gaze and approached it slowly with Maya just behind her. She took a deep breath before gradually letting it all out and then reached out for the handle, pulling it to open the drawer. She carefully pulled the metal plate where her brother’s body lay, her eyes flooding with tears again.

The hospital was running out of supplies quickly and, because of that, only the bodies of people dying from COVID were kept on the usual black body bags, every other body had to settle with a sheet over them. And that’s how Andrea was. A white sheet covering from his torso to his feet and a small, square, blue sheet over his head.

As the Italian removed the blue sheet from Andrea’s face, Maya placed a hand on her shoulder to remind her she was not alone.

Both women had seen dead people before. Maya more than Carina, who had never lost a patient until she came to Seattle. In the firefighter’s experience, dead people almost never had a peaceful expression as she often see them on places where big accidents had occurred. So seeing Andrew in that small freezer was very different from what she was used to. He was pale, yes, and she bet his skin was cold, but if you ignored that, it looked as if he was just sleeping, sans the rise and fall of his chest. But once you remember they will never open their eyes again, that false sense of peace goes away and only grief remains.

Silent tears left a hot trail down Carina’s face as she caressed her brother’s brow with her thumb, wishing she could take her mask off to give him a kiss. But since she could not do that, she did the only thing she could. She sang to him.

“ _Avrai sorrisi sul tuo viso come ad agosto grilli e stelle,_ ” her tears fell into Andrea’s face, rolling down his cold cheek. “ _Storie fotografate dentro un album rilegato in pelle,_ ” she traced the bridge of his nose with the tip of her index. “ _I tuoni di aerei supersonici che fanno alzar la testa,_ _e il buio all'alba che si fa d'argento alla finestra._ ” She mumbled into his forehead, pressing a kiss even with the mask on the way.

Maya rubbed her back, holding back her own sobs to allow Carina to focus on her own grief.

“It should have been me.” The brunette muttered, believing she would not be heard by the other woman, but she did hear her.

“No, don’t say that.” Maya quickly scolded the doctor as she straightened up.

“It was my job as his big sister to protect him. Maybe if I gotten stabbed instead of him, I would have survived and we’d both be alive.”

“No, Carina, stop it. It shouldn’t have been you and it shouldn’t have been him. None of you deserved this. Good people don’t deserve to die while the worst human beings get to live and continue to ruin people’s lives.” The blonde barked, angry at her girlfriend for saying that. “You didn’t deserve to lose your brother and I’m so, _so_ sorry… but he’s gone and I don’t think he’d like to see you lamenting yourself, wishing you got hurt instead of him.”

The blonde cupped the doctor’s face with her hands to make sure she looked into her eyes before continuing.

“You have so much to live for, Carina. So did Andrew. But he’s no longer here and you are.” The firefighter tucked a lock of brown hair behind the doctor’s ear. “You can grieve him, you can miss him, I’m sure you will do so for the rest of your life and that’s okay. But you also have to _live_ your life. You are allowed to fall apart right now but, eventually, you’re gonna have to pick yourself up and keep living. And I’m going to be with you for as long as you let me.”

More tears fell from Carina’s eyes as the words her girlfriend just said sunk in. She raised her arms to hug the blonde as tight as she could and buried her face in the other woman’s neck, sobbing. Maya returned the embrace just as tight, rubbing her back gently.

After a few minutes, Carina disentangled herself from the blonde and approached her brother’s body again. “ _Addio, fratellino._ _Ci rivedremo un giorno e saremo di nuovo completi._ ” She whispered, caressing his hair for the last time before covering his face again, pushing his body inside the drawer and closing the door.

The couple walked in silence with their arms linked to the nearest exit of the hospital. Once outside, Maya quickly pulled her phone to look at the time, surprised it was almost 1:30 am. She hadn’t slept in over 30 hours or so, first with the situation with Dean and Robert with the police which kept her up all the night before and then with the chase for the sex trafficker. If neither of those had happened, she’d probably be at the station or even on the scene of the fire from earlier in case it was still going, it was a four alarm fire after all, but she was sure she wouldn’t feel as miserable as she felt in that moment. She felt drained but she knew she couldn’t rest just yet, she had to make sure Carina was fine first.

“Do you have your car keys?” The blonde asked. Even if she was running on fumes, there was no way she’d let Carina drive.

The doctor sighed and pulled the keys out but then she remembered. “ _Fanculo_. I left my car when Andrea and I got in the train.”

Maya lowered her head in defeat at the bad news. “I left the pickup at the train station where we caught the woman. Doesn’t matter, let’s call an Uber.”

She opened the app and ordered an Uber to get them to their apartment. It arrived in less than five minutes and both women climbed in the back. Carina rested her head on Maya’s shoulder and the blonde pushed her head back to the headrest, closing her eyes for the duration of the ride but careful not to fall asleep.

Ten minutes later, they were entering the apartment. Since both of them had contact with many people on their jobs, they had set a bin to undress as soon as they got home, a mat with sanitizer for their shoes, a small trash can for their masks and even a small bowl to leave their keys and phones until they were decontaminate.

Maya helped Carina undress. “Get in the shower? I’ll join you right away.” She asked when Carina was only in her underwear.

The Italian nodded and walked to the bathroom in silence.

The firefighter sighed and started sanitizing their phones, keys and wallets. Then, she took her jacket off, untied her black tie and was starting to unbutton the snap buttons of her white shirt when she noticed, remembered actually, the blood stain it had on. It was Andrew’s blood. And it would probably not get off. Angry, Maya snapped all the buttons open and threw the shirt on the bin only to see her undershirt had gotten stained as well. She striped of all her clothes, including her underwear unlike Carina, and headed to the bathroom where she was met by the sound of the shower mixed with Carina’s sobs.

Maya released her hair from the elastic band she had and stepped into the shower behind her girlfriend. She loved showering with Carina, shower sex was always fun, but that wasn’t the case this time. The blonde helped the doctor wash her hair as the other woman soaped herself up, then she did the same on herself and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel for Carina. Drying her short hair was an easy task, Carina’s long brown tresses not so much, but she did it and after they put some panties and oversized shirts, they curled up in bed, Carina’s head on Maya’s chest.

The firefighter’s heartbeat was soothing, reassuring the doctor that she was not alone, that her girlfriend was there with her, alive. “ _Grazie,_ Maya. For being here.”

“Always.” The blonde whispered back.

After that, Maya stroked the Italian’s back until she finally succumbed to exhaustion.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The blonde’s brow furrowed as she tried to close her eyes harder, the light of day hitting directly on her face. She blocked the light with an arm over her eyes as she pulled Carina closer to her body with the other, hoping she’d fall back asleep. When that didn’t happen after a few minutes, Maya sighed and carefully extricated herself from the brunette’s grip and got off the bed, closing the drapes and walking to where she had left her phone the night before.

The device said it was quarter past seven, which meant Maya had gotten about five hours of sleep. It wasn’t much but it was better than nothing. She looked at the several messages from her friends, saying they were sorry about Andrew. She decided she would not reply, feeling it was best to talk to them when during their next shift, but she thought she had to at least talk to Andy.

Hoping she was awake as their shift hadn’t ended, Maya dialed the lieutenant’s number. She waited a few seconds before the latina picked up.

 _“Maya? Oh God, I’m so sorry about Andrew.”_ The lieutenant said, her voice clearly sleepy.

The blonde sighed and ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back. “Thank you, Andy. I’ll pass your condolences and the team’s to Carina when she wakes up. I was actually calling to ask if anyone went to get the pickup yesterday. I left it at the train station since I rode back on the aid car with Andrew and Carina.”

_“Yes, Jack went for it, don’t worry.”_

Maya’s shoulders dropped in relief. “Okay, thank you. Everything went well yesterday after the inspection? And the four alarm fire? I’m sorry I wasn’t there but I couldn’t leave Carina.”

_“Everything went well. We managed to put down the fire at about midnight but there were no injured, just structural loss.”_

The blonde nodded, walking to the sofa to rest for a moment. “I’m glad. I hope you like bossing people around because, after missing both the inspection and the four alarm, I’m probably going to get demoted.” She half-joked.

_“That’s not going to happen, Maya. The battalion chief was pleased with the station and I’m sure that once you explain the situation they’ll give you some days off to help Carina.”_

“I hope so.” Maya said, remaining silent for a few moments. “I gotta go, Andy. I have to go get Carina’s car, she left it on a train station as well and I want to be back before she wakes up. Thank you.”

_“It’s okay. What are friends for? Talk to you later.”_

“Later.” Was the blonde’s response, and both firefighters hang up after it.

Maya quietly walked back into her room, put on a pair of jeans, a bra, an old _Muse_ black t-shirt, a gray hoodie and her track shoes, before walking to the kitchen to leave a note on the fridge in case the brunette woke up. She grabbed her phone and Carina’s keys and was finally out of the apartment by 7:30.

Carina woke up about half an hour later, feeling her bed cold. The few seconds after she opened her eyes were bliss, until she remembered the events of the day before. Her eyes flooded with tears and her cries were muted by her pillow.

Feeling alone and miserable, the doctor decided she didn’t want to stay in bed. She put on a black cardigan over her gray sleep shirt and some shorts. She went to the bathroom and was not surprised when she saw her reflection. She looked a wreck and she felt like one. She splashed some water on her face and headed to the living room, finding it empty. Without the energy to find out where was Maya, she simply sat down on the floor, her back resting on the sofa, and stared at nothing.

The firefighter came back an hour later with a tray with two coffees and a bag with pastries from Carina’s favorite bakery. She knew that would not make things better but they couldn’t make them worse. However, she did not expect to find Carina laying on the living room floor, looking at the ceiling.

“Hey, baby. I’m back.” Maya said, leaving the food on the kitchen counter and quickly washing her hands to go to Carina’s side, crouching next to her.

“Where were you?” The brunette asked harshly. “I woke up alone.”

Maya knew she didn’t mean to so she let it slide. “I went to get your car back and to talk with my boss. I left you a note.” She calmly explained.

The Italian sat up and glared at Maya, upset she dared to leave her alone. “You said you would be here with me.”

The firefighter stood up and held her hand out to Carina, who refused her. Again, Maya didn’t take it personally.

“I know, that’s why I needed to talk to my boss. He gave me a few days off to be with you, to help you with anything you need.”

The doctor nodded but her expression didn’t change, she was still upset. “You don’t think I can handle things myself?”

Maya sighed, knowing that whatever she said would only anger the Italian further. “That’s not it. I know you can handle things by yourself but you don’t have to, I’m here. I know this is a stupid question but, how are you?”

Carina laughed humorlessly, throwing her hands in the air. “How am I? After my brother died? Oh, I don’t know, how would you be if it was your little brother?”

Ouch.

Maya knew something like that was coming but knowing didn’t make it hurt any less.

Still, she knew Carina wasn’t herself right now. Besides, she had said worse things to her, like throwing in her face she had slept with Jack. So, yeah, Carina had a free pass to take her crap out on Maya for this.

“Carina…”

“I wanna scream until my throat hurts!” The Italian interrupted her girlfriend, her hands reaching up to pull at her hair as she walked away from the blonde. “I wanna break something, I wanna punch someone! I wanna…!”

She was stopped by Maya hugging her from behind.

“Let go of me, Maya.” The brunette ordered but Maya didn’t listen, she only loosened her grip enough for Carina to turn around.

“I told you I would be here for whatever you need, right? Right now you need to eat, you haven’t eaten since I don’t know when and you need your strength, okay?” Maya asked the doctor but she wasn’t happy.

“I said, let go, Maya.” Carina tried to push Maya away but her grip was strong. “Let go!” She started hitting her in the chest with open palms but still nothing. “Please!” She begged but Maya didn’t listen, she kept hugging her until Carina started to cry again, resting her forehead on the blonde’s shoulder as own her shoulders shook.

The firefighter held her tighter, whispering on her ear how much she loved her and always would be there for her.

**Author's Note:**

> Bene - Good or okay.  
> Bella - Beautiful.  
> Grazie mille, amore mio. - Thank you so much, my love.  
> Si - Yes.  
> Andiamo - Let's go.  
> Col cazzo che non posso! - Like hell I can't (contextual translation, not literal).  
> Va bene - All right.  
> Addio, fratellino. Ci rivedremo un giorno e saremo di nuovo completi - Farewell, little brother. We will meet again one day and we will be complete again.  
> Fanculo - Fuck it.  
> Grazie - Thank you.
> 
> The song Carina sang to Andrew is It's "Avrai" by Claudio Baglioni, in the show they only use the first verse but I added a bit more. Here's the translation for it.
> 
> Avrai sorrisi sul tuo viso come ad agosto grilli e stelle - You will have smiles on your face like crickets and stars in August  
> Storie fotografate dentro un album rilegato in pelle - Stories photographed in a leather-bound album  
> I tuoni di aerei supersonici che fanno alzar la testa - The thunder of supersonic planes that make you look up,  
> E il buio all'alba che si fa d'argento alla finestra - And the darkness at dawn that turns silver at the window


End file.
